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Tails of a bovine midwife-Maurenne's Cow/Calf Stories
What's Love Got to Do With It?
by Robin Sales, CHT
"That's what got the baby in there. That's what gets the baby out."- - Ina May Gaskin, midwife, encouraging couples to spend time alone to get labor going.
At 10:30 A.M. on the day my son
was born, labor signaled to me with clear, leaking waters. My midwife told me to
forget about my errands. "Go home and rest up.", she suggested. Later
that day my husband arrived home with some last-minute needed items. The moment
we looked at each other I doubled over into my first "real"
contraction. Concerned, my husband asked if I'd been laboring alone like this
for long. "No," I smiled when the contraction passed, "We were
waiting for you."
Love is a powerful force in childbirth. I've heard
it said that the birthing partner acts like a kind of magnet, drawing the baby
out. This sort of statement probably can't be backed up with science but it
makes sense to me that a baby might be more excited to come into the world where
there's plenty of love awaiting her.
Amidst the technical choices and preparations
facing birthing couples; ultrasound, doctors, midwives, prenatal testing,
epidurals, fetal heart monitors, IV's, pain medication, car seats, child care,
furnishing the nursery, maternity/paternity leave, etc., it's easy to forget
that this is, after all, an affair of the heart.
What if we were to make love a priority in our
preparations for birth? Put it right up there with safety or comfort in
childbirth. In all the busyness of nesting - - preparing the house or working
that extra bit before the baby arrives, couples might also consider taking time
for 'inner nesting.' This may be as simple as daydreaming together about hopes
and wishes for the coming child. Writing or reading poetry for the baby or for
each other. What favorite bedtime stories, family rituals, holidays, music will
be shared with the little one? What cherished parts of this world will be
explored together as a family? What guiding values will be most important?
Parenting begins with pregnancy. Gayle Peterson,
Ph.D., researcher and author, talks about communication between a couple as the
soil in which the garden of family grows. It needs to be turned over, fed and
cultivated regularly. In such a garden children and parents thrive. Taking time
before the baby comes to speak and, more importantly, to listen from the heart
will help two people weave together a new, strong and beautiful family vision.
Nurturing love during pregnancy becomes as
vital as good prenatal care when considering the deepening commitment and added
challenges of becoming a family. This doesn't mean that pregnancy will look like
the days of wine and roses. In fact, parents-to-be are often surprised to see
their own family of origin "material" staring them in the face,
sometimes through the eyes of their loved one. Although it's unpleasant, a lot
can be learned by our past family issues. Think of it as compost for the family
garden. Sharing what's difficult together and offering an open heart to trust
and confide in builds more intimacy than a thousand candlelight dinners.
Babies intertwine two lives together more
indelibly than the most sincere wedding vows. Is it any wonder that Cupid, the
God of Love, is depicted as a baby? No one can really prepare for all the
changes that come with the birth of a child. Or the sound of a baby's first cry.
Like Cupid's arrow it pierces the heart, opening it to a love never known
before. In that moment, love has everything to do with it.